So Desperate to Belongs (7/?)

[giichamainimore]

Title : So Desperate to Belongs (7/?)
Author : Giichamainimore
Pairing : Minho/Onew-Jinki, Jonghyun/Jinki
Rate : Rated for Language
Genre : Romance, Friendship, Brotherly Love

I Still Remember You. Do You?

He sat silently on his bed, looked through outside the window blankly. He pulled his knees halfheartedly near to his chest as he placed his arms against on top of it and rested his head on there, still looked throughoutside the window.

A single tear fell down to his arm, followed by other grains tears that fell one by one from his eyes. He shut his eyes so tightly made his tears fell down even more. He was sobbing soundless, cried his heart out. Hecould not hold it anymore, it hurt him so badly. It was hurt his heart as hell. It was so painful!

His whole body was shaking uncontrollably under his fluffy blanket that covered his half body. He could not stand his pains anymore. If he could repeated the time be back again, he wanted to back to that time again,back to that sweet times. But he knew that was impossible if he wished that. He clutched his chest, holdingthe throbbing near his chest, it still hurt inside there. If he could, if he was the God, he wanted repeat backthe time or erased his pain or at least just forgetting that nightmare, maybe just forgetting that the worst nightmare…

Remembering those times made him wanted to gone or disappeared from this world, forever…

Flashback

He entered that class slowly, oh, God, how nervous he was as he moved his leg forward one by one. He couldfeel his feet a bit shaking and his toes were sweaty inside his shoes. He squeezed the glass of the jar that heheld in both of his hands as he bit his lower lip harder hoped his nervous would gone replace with the painof the bits. He walked behind Taemin slowly.

“Minho-hyung!” called that Taemin boy as he pulled Jinki’s hand and walked toward Minho.

Minho was gazing seriously them for seconds before he asked Taemin, “S-so… Is this your friend whom wants to see me?” he asked unsure and pointing at the boy whom stood behind Taemin. He could not see how itwas, because Jinki stood behind Taemin and kept his head down.

Jinki whom stood behind Taemin, could hear Minho’s voice clearly through his ears. His voice was deepenand husky than he was before when he was still a boy. Oh, how much he missed that voice, he missed foralmost eight years! Those years he had been missing it so badly. Hearing when Minho spoke out, gave him alight shiver on his spine. He wanted to hear it more.

Taemin nodded his head twice before pulled Jinki to on front of him, so Minho could see him clearly. “Hyung,This is my friend whom wants to see you!!” he said as he pushed Jinki on his back. “He said he was yourfriend when you two were young boys. Still remember, Hyung? His name is Lee Jinki, Jinki-hyung!” Taemin said happily, happy that he made those old friends facing each other again. Oh, this was so touching moment to blinking your eyes even for once.

Jinki just stood there on front of Minho, kept lowering his head down and biting his bottom lip nervously,missing the looks of Minho’s face. He didn’t dare to gaze Minho now, just kept stare at their shoes and floor.

If he could, if he wanted, Minho himself could hold Jinki to his embrace and held him so tightly and won’t let him go again, kept him in his embrace forever, if he wanted to do so, he could. Saying sweet words to his ears, saying I missed you, I missed you that I won’t to let you go again. But that was just his old wishes for those past dull times before. Just for talk even faced him again he really didn’t want it! It made him feelsicker! Why in hell he had to come back for those dull years now? For God’s sake it was almost eight years had passed without any words, he came back now and even he was standing on front of him with thoseblushing cheeks of him!! This was for real! It was the real him! Don’t he feel ashamed for those past years?

Minho looked at him annoyed, his eyes full of angers and hates in it. Faced him now made him feel worst! He saw Jinki moved his lips and opened slowly and carefully, his lips a bit trembled.

Jinki lifted his head up a little just gazing Minho’s chest. He opened his lips slowly, carefully to find the rightwords that he would say to Minho. He had many things he would tell to Minho. He felt so happy and sad atthe same time stood on front of him. Licked his lips slowly as he began to speak, “H-he…llo, Mi-minho-yah…I-it been a…while, right? Since we-we had seen…each other…” Jinki said with a very gentle tone, he said so carefully with blushing cheeks. He still didn’t dare to gazed Minho right in the eyes. “I m-” before he couldfinish his word he was cat off by those harsh words from Minho.

“Who the hell are you?” Minho asked so calmly with his deep and husky voice.

That was made Jinki’s head jerked up. He looked at Minho disbelieve with widened eyes. He could tellMinho’s expression so dead calmly and full of angers or hates yet it looked so pain. “Wh…what?” Jinki askedback. Did he mishear it? Did Minho just ask who he was? But, why…? Well, he could not tell.

Stepped closer to Jinki, “Don’t you hear me? I asked you, who the hell you are. And what the hell are youtalking about just now?” Lift up his one eyebrow, “‘Minho-yah’? Who in hell did you call that disgust pet-name? I think that person didn’t even exist,” Minho said mockingly with bitter laughs.

He felt want to cry now, “D-don’t you…remember all, all of those, Mi-minho-yah? Do, do…you remember me?I….I-I’m Lee Jinki, Jinki, Jinki-hyung, you…you used to called me that when we… were young, don’t…. youremember it, Minho-yah?” he asked disbelieve. He sure, he was sure that the person, the man whom wasstood on front of him right now was Minho, Choi Minho, his childhood friend. He looked exactly same with the young Minho he knew, but just their appearance were not the same again, the now Minho now was… abit…changed, “Do…do you remember me…ah, no… do you remember those all…now, Minho-yah?” Jinki askedweakly as his tears fell down so heavy, hoped that Minho would say yes or just nodded his head, just it,please!

Stepping closer once again, leaned his head down to Jinki, Smiling warmly toward him but it had changed by cool and blank expression by just for seconds, “What the hell are you talking about, ‘Jinki-hyung’?” Minhocalled Jinki with his address so deep and sounded dangerously that made Jinki trembled stood there. “I don’tf-ing remember you,” he smiled again.

Jinki’s body trembled even more in fear, although Minho was smiling, it really scared him out, it was not his Minho he used knew before. Looked Minho’s eyes, “Do…don’t you re-remember this…?” Jinki asked as hepulled his sleeve and showed a bracelet in his hand, “This, this is the bracelet you…you gave me when I left,do… you remember it, Minho-yah?” he searched out Minho’s sleeve and gripped it with his trembled arm, “I…Istill remember you. Do you?” Jinki asked again with teary and swollen eyes, his tears swung in there. He reallyhoped Minho would say yes, hoped this was just a trap or sort of.

“Don’t you hear me already?” jabbed his index finger with his free that Jinki was not gripped on it, he jabbednear Jinki’s chest, “I said, I didn’t f-ing remember you, who you were! I don’t even f-ing remember we had meteach other before, and friend? I don’t f-ing remember I had made friend with someone like you. I don’t f-ingknow you and all those of your nonsense words you have said!!” he said hatefully as he pulled back hisfinger and looked away, “Fuck! You make me tired for no reason! What a waste!” he said with a huge sigh.

Jinki just stood there crying his heart out with trembled body. He didn’t care if all students in class threw theirgaze toward him. Those words, those words hurt him so badly. His heart felt so hurt hearing those harshwords that came from Minho. He didn’t want to believe that was real, didn’t want to believe that was Minhowhom saying those all, it was just a nightmare, but it felt like he was just deluding himself for believed those all!

Slowly he let go his grip off from Minho’s sleeve, his hand and body were still shaking, too shocked to acceptthis all, he covered his mouth with his free hand. “….ry….” he mumbled in hiccups.

“What?” Minho asked tiredly.

“I’m… sorry,” Jinki bowed deeply on front of Minho, his tears fell to the floor and made it a little wet, “I-I think,I….I was wrong re…cognizing you as him, I thought, I thought… you were, you were the person that I know.Sorry…” Jinki said as he left the class with fully teary eyes before he bowed deeply to Minho once again andto all the students in the class.

Taemin looked at Minho confusedly and a bit disappointed because Minho’s rude attitude toward Jinki,“Hyung, that was the rudest and harsh words I have ever heard come from you. You didn’t ever say thoseharsh words toward other you didn’t even know whom,” Taemin said before he ran to ran after Jinki.

“He is right,” they said in unison.

Minho turned his head and looked at the girls and his friend said it with crossed arms on their chest, “W-what?”

“Oppa, although you’re always say harsh words to us and other but that was the rudest words you have eversaid. He might cry for sure after hearing those all,” the girl said and followed by nods from her friends.

“They’re right, Minho,” sighing as he shook his head, “Even thought, you didn’t remember him…again, youdidn’t have to say those harsh words,” hit Minho head with his free hand beautifully that made Minho yelpedin pain, “I don’t even remember that I have taught you all those harsh words before, Choi Minho,” he said asif he was Minho’s mother, he rubbed his hand that he had used to hit Minho’s head and blew it. Damn rock-head Choi Minho!!

“Ouch! Key, why did you hit my head?!” he asked as he rubbed the spot that Key had him there, “Taught? Youtaught me what? Are you my mother?” he asked again with mockingly tone.

Gave him a sharp glare, “You must diverse it, Choi Minho!!” pointed at Minho, “You and Taemin are mybabies, so I’m your mother in other ways!” he said.

“What! We are just differed by four freaking months!!” Minho yelled.

Key just smirk, “But, I’m still older than you,” he said proudly, then he paused for seconds and putted hisindex finger and thumb on his chin, he was thinking of something, “I think, I have seen him before…” hemurmured barely whispering.

“What?” Minho asked.

Frowning his eyebrows confusedly, “Ah! I can’t remember,” he waved his hands in the air. “I don’t care!” hesaid as he sat back on his chair.

“What the…?”

ㅍ_ㅍ ♥ ^▽^

Taemin who still ran after Jinki for minutes, he could not find him anywhere. Jinki now was nowhere to befound.

“Oh God, Hyung, where are you?” he said panting.

In the other hand Jinki he was standing in an empty Music class while panting so hard. His tears were stillfalling down from his swollen eyes. He could not stop it and he could not hold it.

He placed the jar of candy on the table carelessly and he looked at his surrounding, it was empty and quiet…It was the better place to crying alone.

He clutched his uniform on front of his chest. It was so hurt inside there, in his heart it really hurt. Just fornow, he wanted to cry his heart out as much as he wanted, let his pain disappeared maybe just for a little,just now, just for a little.

His body was shaking even more as he remembered Minho’s harsh words just now. God, he didn’t ever evenimagine those word would come from Minho! It way too harsh! He placed his hands on his ears to shut it. Hedidn’t want to hear those words again. He didn’t want to remember it again. He wanted to forget it! Hethought, he thought today would be his happiest day ever, knowing that he would meet with Minho again,but it was all a lie! That was all bullshit!

Minho didn’t even recognize him! He didn’t even remember who he was! He didn’t even remember ever madefriend with someone like him! He didn’t even f-ing remember those all! He was really upside down from hewas before!

He panted heavier and rough, damn his disease would recur again! He immediately pulled his phone as he placed his palm on his stomach and clutched it. Dialed his driver to picked him up, he didn’t want to staythere any longer.

End of flashback

ㅍ_ㅍ ♥ ^▽^

Minute by minute had passed, he had been crying soundlessly for over 20 minutes already. He could imaginehow he looked like now, with those red swollen eyes. Probably he looked like a frog with stain face!!

He rose his head up and looked down at his pajama’s sleeves and blanket those all were wet full of his tears.How many tears he had product on those minutes?

When he wanted to got up from his bed, he hears foot steps walked closer toward hi room, he immediatelyhide under his blanket and closed his eyes, pretending as if he was asleep since long. Then, he heard thedoor being opened, he knew who it would be, indeed his Granny.

“Jinki, Are you sleeping, love?” she asked with low tone as she stepped closer toward Jinki. “Love?” she called and looking at sleeping Jinki under his fluffy blanket. She sat beside Jinki and caressed Jinki’s messy hairthen her eyes fell to the fresh wet spot on Jinki’s blanket. She frowned then smiled, knowing his Grandsonwas just crying. A smile still on her lips, “Jinki love, I heard from Mr. Park that you wanted to go home beforeyour school had to end, right?” she still caressing Jinki’s hair affectionately, “What happened, Love? Did yourdisease recur again? Or did something bad happen to you?” there was not any answers. “You hadn’t met withMinho yet, love?” still there was not any answers came from Jinki. Sighing, “Jinki, are you going to ignoringyour Grandma like this? It makes Grandma hurt,” she told him pretending so sounded hurt.

With that Jinki rose from under his blanket and looked at his Granny, “I…I don’t want to make Grandmahurt…” said Jinki honest.

Chuckled, “Oh, Love, glad to see you again,” even though she said those, she could resist the sight of Jinkiwith his swollen and fluffy eyes, stain face, his lips a bit pale, everything looked so messy! “What happened,love? Did something bad happen to you?” Jinki shook his head, didn’t say a word, “Did you feel bored ortired school at there?” Jinki shook his head again, still didn’t say a word. “Did Minho-” but before she couldfinish her sentences she was cut off.

“G-grandma…can, can you just hold me now, p-please….?” Jinki asked a bit whined.

Smiling, “Of course, Love” she said as she took Jinki onto her embrace and patted his back, drew circlesaround there.

Jinki rested his head on his Granny’s shoulder and nuzzled into it as he breathed in her scent, she smelledlike tea. “Grandma…?” he called, she just gave a light humming, “Can…can you sleep with me here?” Jinkipleaded like a child.

Chuckled, “Of course, you can love! You are still can sleep with me as much as you want!” she said andtighten her arms around Jinki’s skinny body.

“Thanks you, Grandma…” Jinki mumbled barely whispering. He shut his eyes a little, everything that hadhappened today made him really tired, crying for hours wasting his whole energy.

“You such a baby sometimes!” she said.

Jinki just smiled hearing those and closed his eyes, sleeping in his Granny warm embrace.

I still remember you, Minho-yah… although you don’t, but you will…someday.

To be Continued